They might even have heard the startling news that God Himself sent the lover and that He wants them to be together. The fact is that even in these situations a possibility exists that the marriage can be saved and, with time, made good again.
Or, they might have heard that your spouse no longer believes what they once believed, so the church folks may as well go bother someone who buys into their malarkey. That may sound Pollyannaish, but I’ve personally witnessed it repeatedly over the last sixteen years.
It makes you less attractive and intensifies whatever justification he or she has mentally made that allows leaving you. Make it clear that while you would like to save the marriage, your life will go on and you will prosper if they don’t come back. When a person believes that you are there no matter what they do, they have no compulsion to do right. Other people in your life who care about you will still care about you. And, believe it or not, it often helps bring the spouse back, though you cannot do it for only that reason.
My faith in people has been strengthened by experiencing God intervening in lives even when a person wanted God to leave him or her alone to do what they wanted to do.Then you began to vacillate, worrying that you must be right but telling yourself that surely you aren’t.When you asked questions, the answers seemed a little too slick and too rehearsed. Refuse to cooperate and you will find yourself in a bloody legal battle.Finally, you made the discovery that your spouse did have someone else. Maybe you checked the cell phone bill, read emails, found a note or letter in a pocket or purse, or, even worse, someone saw them and told you about it. Secrecy helped them, not you, but because you thought there might be a chance to keep him or her calm and possibly stop this nightmare, you allowed yourself to be manipulated.
Maybe your abandoning spouse had a period of hesitation.He or she tried to end the affair, and told you that they were willing to work on the marriage.