For most people with Asperger’s it’s a day to day challenge to feel safe and understood by neurotypical people.
And even though there is a number of dating sites for people with high functioning autism, most of those are expensive pay-sites where you have to dish out a month for the same features that privides for ,- a year!
To truly love an Aspie, you must truly understand an Aspie, and understand their history of abuse. It is why I have such a strong desire to work with these couples: the unnecessary heartache is enormous.
But getting back to sex, sexual affairs just aren’t too likely.
” you may get something as straightforward as “because I wanted to.” It isn’t a dodge. Not uncovering their “true motivations.” To love an Aspie well, try to figure out the quirks.
Once you do, you will have a pretty good idea what to expect.
They say, (and with good reason,) “If you’ve met one person with Aspergers, you’ve met one person with Aspergers.” But there are generalizations you can make about why to love an Aspie, and like all generalizations, of course, they won’t hold true for everybody.
This is not to say that an AS won’t get intensely involved in talking to the opposite sex (or the same sex if they are gay or lesbian) online about asphalt or fiberglass boats. (If sex gets a ranking.) Unlike the crafty NT’s, who can work out sometimes elaborate ruses to achieve their aims, you can pretty much guess the motives of an AS, once you know them well. Behaviors can be confusing, though: “Why did my wife start eating the meal she cooked, without telling us that dinner was ready? She started eating because the meal was cooked and she forgot to call her family. I think this is because unlike an NT, an AS will probably be responding honestly, in the moment, or to internal stimulus.
It just means if he’s up until 3 AM chatting with another woman, it’s probably about asphalt or fiberglass boats…To truly love an Aspie, recognize that some people will be more engaging and exciting to talk to about asphalt or fiberglass boats. It may be hard for NT’s to predict, because other NT’s do things out of obligation, or to “please” their partners, regardless of whether it is actually something they want to do or not.
But reasons like “I knew you hated me doing this, so I did it to teach you a lesson” is not going to be in it (unless they are mimicking). Why would they spend time out of their day to do THAT? They’d have to plan ahead, keep you and how you feel constantly in mind, and then want to spite you. One thing that gets a lot of AS’s in trouble with their loved ones is the need to be alone. If you want to get into a huge fight with an AS intimate, insist on interaction at this point. NT’s happily married to AS’s understand this need for quiet time, especially after socializing.
After a great block party where everyone had a ton of fun, they want to be in their rooms for the rest of the day playing video games, or reading about the French Revolution. No, they don’t want to invite the Flanagan’s back to the house for an evening of charades. Complain about how they never want to socialize (after they’ve spent 4 hours socializing) or how they don’t love you enough because they don’t want to make love. A good reason to love an Aspie is that you will have time to yourself.
They might find kissing too wet or become upset that you’re touching them too lightly, or might need a sheet between you when you have intercourse, so they can relax.